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As a result, television, friends and the internet often fill in the gaps, leading to confusion and misconceptions about what it means to be romantic and masculine. He has Sexy Salem Oregon teen authored more than 20 journal articles and book chapters relating to boys, men, sexual development and identity issues. Audrey Hamilton : The sex talk is never an easy conversation. For boys, the questions about sexual consent, average penis size, how to ask someone on a date and how to decide when to have sex are often not asked and thus, unanswered.
As a result, boys get their information from the Internet, the movies and their friends and end up coming to their own conclusions about what most guys think. In this episode, we speak with a psychologist about what most guys are really thinking and how that challenges masculine stereotypes. A developmental psychologist, Dr. He has also authored more than 20 journal articles and book chapters relating to boys, men, sexual development and identity issues and is currently an associate editor of the APA journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity.
Welcome, Dr. Andrew Smiler : Thank you for having me. Audrey Hamilton : So, the common assumption about teen boys is that sex is all they think about, right? All of the time. But there seems to be very little discussion out there about how to talk to boys about sex — romantic relationships. And just being a boy. Juggling various demands in their lives. Based on your research and your work with adolescents, do you think boys want more information that goes beyond your typical school health class?
First off, we know that only about half of American teens get any kind of sexuality education in their middle schools or high schools. Do I trust you? Why do I trust you? Anything like that.
Do I trust this person? Do I want to be physical with this person? How physical do I want to be with this person? How much did I trust them? Should I believe them? So boys are really kind of lacking a whole piece of education around how relationships work that girls get. And boys want that knowledge because they are having relationships and they want to know how they work. As a therapist, what are some of the most common questions you get about dating and sex?
How do I fix it? So as a therapist, I have a lot of conversations around those topics. Again, how do relationships work? How do feelings feed into those relationship dynamics? One of the ways that parents can use the book is to give them ideas for how to start conversations. And we know that somewhere north of 60 percent of teen boys play sports. Something like 80 percent follow at least one professional sport. So a of examples throughout the book of the kinds of things that boys tend to be interested in.
In regard to what are the most common questions that boys have about dating and sex, I actually start the book with an FAQ, a frequently asked questions list. One of the biggest ones that boys ask of any sexuality educator is about penis size. The average is about six inches. The FAQ questions get answered in two or three sentences right there in the beginning with additional references to sections later in the book that provide additional detail.
Audrey Hamilton : I imagine the sex question is rather difficult for any parent, really. I know some mothers say, well, should I be having this conversation with my son? Should I leave it to my husband? One of the things the research tells us — I certainly see this as a therapist — is that boys want information from someone that they can trust. There is a small segment of the teen boy population that really wants that to come from a male.
Whether or not that person is going to respect what the boy says as the conversation progresses. When it comes to what to talk about regarding sex, we as adults are supposed to work with teens. We can start with where most of our boys start, which is with things like kissing and holding hands and then work up to or down to depending on how you want to think about itmore physically intimate kinds of sexual contact.
What does it mean to kiss somebody in public and kiss them like that in public? I remember having to apply to a group of girls to get a kissing in fifth grade. That was how it worked in my class. So we can kind of scaffold this and make it a conversation that goes across Sexy Salem Oregon teen, but is really focused on the behavior that seems most likely for the boy to engage in at the time.
Audrey Hamilton : All right. Maybe he has a girlfriend or a boyfriend. How do parents approach this?
How do you start the conversation? Andrew Smiler : There is no best way to start that conversation.
Especially if your son puts banana slices in there. The vast majority of 16 year olds out there are able to handle a kind of two-tiered answer or two-tiered value from their parents. But, I understand that you might choose otherwise and if you do, I want you to be safe. Audrey Hamilton : I definitely want to talk about consent because this is a very timely and important issue. How would you advise parents and their boys to discuss the issue of consent?
Not just getting consent from someone but giving it, as well? And so it kind of becomes where we can make it part of the conversation about how do you know if you are ready. How do you know if your partner is ready? Sexual assault and rape are instances where consent did not happen or where somebody did not respect consent. We know that for both boys and girls, there are a lot of negative psychological effects both in the immediate aftermath and downstream — issues related to PTSD and depression and potentially self-harm in various ways — even suicide. And that among males who have been sexually assaulted and raped, the average time to disclose that event is somewhere around 20 years.
Yeah, yeah. For example, pornography is more accessible thanks to the Internet. There are sites like Sexy Salem Oregon teen, Instagram, not to mention the prevalence of sexting. Is all of this changing how men perceive sex and sexual relationships? And if so, how do we address that? Andrew Smiler : There is a huge change for teens growing up today versus those of us who were teens certainly in the 80s when I was -- but even 15 years ago.
And this is what I want to see or not see on your, on the front screen of your phone because most teens set their phones so that their texts come up right on friends. What are the benefits that I gain from sending a picture like this or getting a picture like this? We might talk about what body types are present and not present. Because it tends to be that standard Hollywood model body there. This is not reality. Audrey Hamilton : Well, Dr. Smiler, thank you so much for ing us. This has been a very interesting conversation.Sexy Salem Oregon teen
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